Infidelity, fighting, abuse
Poor spending and saving
Substance abuse or other addictions
Too young to understand love
Misunderstood values
Unequally yoked
The purpose ended
You finally reached your “last straw,” and one of the spouses realizes that there is no turning back, and they cannot make their marriage better. They tried and they did their best to make it work. But even with counseling or new agreements, it just doesn’t.
Often, there is a combination of factors that culminate to the final decision to split the sheets. When your marriage ends, it’s natural to seek a convenient scapegoat — namely your spouse. But often it is a third party who comes in to fill that role of scape goat. It could be the controlling or crazy Mother-in-law or the neighbor your spouse always seemed to like, or the colleague at work. Assigning responsibility can help you make sense of life during this confusing, overwhelming time and make it a bit easier. Unfortunately, and ultimately, relationships really are complicated and it doesn’t happen overnight when your spouse took up suddenly with their co-worker. Often times, there is a chance to really dig deeper and see where the pitfalls happened to learn from them, for this marriage, or for future relationships.
Studies show that the longer you date before marriage the higher your likelihood to stay married. Even as long as three years of dating gives you a 39 percent less likely chance of divorce over those who date for only one year. The same study also showed that large age gaps have more risk of divorce, and at over 10 years, your chances of divorce are 39% higher than closer aged couples.
When it comes to finances, it is also astounding to see that if you join your financial lives, and share bank accounts that you are far less likely to divorce. The National Center for Family and Marriage Research found that couples who don’t share bank accounts are 45% more likely to divorce. A big expensive wedding is also a big risk for divorce. If the wedding was at least a $20,000.00 then you are 3.5 times more likely to divorce than if you had an economic wedding of between $5,000 to $10,000.
While some of these problems can be fixed and divorce prevented in a few cases, it takes a commitment from both sides. That healing process can take professional help to make the changes possible. A mediation process can bring your marriage to a close in the best possible way. At WHYmediate?, you are given the tools you need to resolve conflict in a positive learning environment.
On occasion, at WHYmediate Mediation Services we have the opportunity to help people try one last time before they start their divorce process. Sometimes one partner needs to better set boundaries and rules and the other needs to better respect boundaries. Most of the time, we are involved to create the most team-oriented, healthy divorce possible with the goal of creating two new estates that are functional and supportive of each spouse’s new single estate and single life. We take a holistic approach and sometime do things in advance before filing that will support joint current and future goals. At WHYmediate?, find out how mediation may best support you and your short term and long term goals.