The holiday season after divorce often brings challenges, particularly when it comes to creating new routines for your family.
Traditions that once centered around togetherness now need to be reimagined, and both parents and children must adjust to these changes. However, with thoughtful planning, flexibility, and a focus on your children’s well-being, holiday after divorce can become an opportunity to build joyful new traditions. As a family lawyer, I have seen how co-parenting strategies—combined with the right legal framework—can foster meaningful and harmonious holiday experiences.
1. Start with Your Parenting Plan: The Legal Foundation
A strong parenting plan is essential for creating structure, especially during the holidays. This plan, ideally established during the divorce process, will outline how holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas are divided between parents. Common arrangements include:
- Alternating Holidays: One parent celebrates Thanksgiving with the children, while the other has them for Christmas, switching roles the following year.
- Splitting the Day: Some parents prefer to divide a single day, with one parent enjoying the morning hours and the other taking over in the evening.
- Two Celebrations: Each parent holds separate celebrations on different days, offering two Thanksgivings or two Christmases for the children.
While your parenting plan provides structure, staying flexible helps accommodate your children’s changing needs and fosters cooperation between parents.
2. Embrace Flexibility: Planning for the Unexpected
The most well-thought-out parenting plans may still require adjustments. Flexibility makes it easier to handle the unexpected without conflict.
- Communicate Early: Start discussing your holiday plans well in advance to ensure both parents can make necessary arrangements for work, travel, and family gatherings.
- Be Open to Adjustments: Life happens. If your co-parent has a family event or special opportunity, being willing to adjust the schedule shows goodwill and cooperation.
- Prepare for Disruptions: Illness or travel delays can interfere with plans. Agree on how to handle these situations ahead of time to avoid unnecessary stress.
Demonstrating a spirit of cooperation builds trust and reassures your children that both parents are committed to their happiness.
3. Prioritize the Children’s Best Interests
The most important priority during the holidays after divorce—and always—is ensuring the well-being of your children. Divorce can bring emotional challenges, and holidays may stir feelings of sadness or confusion. Keeping the children’s needs at the forefront helps them feel supported.
- Involve the Children in Planning: Ask your children what activities or traditions are most important to them. Allowing them to contribute helps them feel heard and excited about the new holiday arrangements.
- Reassure Them: Let your children know that celebrating twice is a way to enjoy quality time with each parent, not a loss.
- Avoid Conflict in Their Presence: Even minor disagreements should be handled privately. Holiday time should be peaceful and joyful, free from unnecessary tension.
When parents put their children’s well-being above personal conflicts, it creates a stable environment that allows children to thrive.
4. Legal Considerations to Keep in Mind
While flexibility is helpful, it’s important to stay within the boundaries of your parenting plan and court orders. Here are some legal points to consider:
- Stick to the Parenting Plan: Make adjustments when necessary, but always follow the agreed-upon plan unless both parents consent to changes.
- Confirm Modifications in Writing: If you and your co-parent agree to modify holiday plans, document the change in writing (through email or text) to avoid misunderstandings.
- Addressing Violations: If a parent repeatedly ignores the holiday schedule or uses it to create conflict, consulting a family lawyer can help resolve the issue legally.
- Travel Restrictions: If your parenting plan includes limitations on travel, ensure any holiday plans comply with these requirements to avoid legal complications.
Working within the legal framework of your parenting plan ensures both parents have clear expectations and limits conflict during the holidays.
5. Creating New Traditions as a Family
The holidays after divorce offer a chance to reimagine your family’s traditions. Instead of focusing on what was lost, embrace the opportunity to create new memories together.
- Double the Fun: Celebrating two Thanksgivings or two Christmases can bring joyous new memories for your children. If they spend Thanksgiving with the other parent, consider having your own Thanksgiving celebration on a different day with unique activities. Often parents will choose the weekend before or after the holiday to celebrate.
- Incorporate New Traditions: Whether it’s baking cookies, decorating a holiday tree together, or volunteering as a family, new traditions help create lasting memories and forge new ways of celebrating that support your new co-parent family.
- Celebrate the New Chapter: Help your children see the holidays as a time for joy and togetherness, even if traditions involve timing/schedule and environment changes.
Focusing on the joy of new traditions, rather than trying to replicate the past, makes the season more meaningful.
6. Managing Expectations and Emotions
Both parents and children may experience complex emotions during the holidays. Here are some ways to manage expectations and create a positive experience:
- Let Go of Perfection: Understand that the holidays may not look the same as before, and that’s okay. Focus on the moments that bring joy rather than striving for perfection.
- Practice Self-Care: Recognize that holidays can be emotionally draining. Make time to care for yourself through relaxation, hobbies, or time with supportive friends.
- Support Your Children Emotionally: Pay attention to signs that your child may be struggling, such as changes in mood or behavior. Encourage open conversations about how they’re feeling and seek professional support if needed.
By managing emotions thoughtfully, parents can create a holiday environment that feels warm and welcoming.
7. Involving Extended Family and Friends
Extended family is often a big part of holiday celebrations, which adds another layer of planning when divorced parents are involved.
- Coordinate with Extended Family: Make sure grandparents and other relatives understand the new holiday arrangements to avoid confusion.
- Consider Blended Celebrations: If relationships remain amicable, joint celebrations with extended family or mutual friends can be a great way to maintain important connections for the children.
- Set Boundaries When Necessary: If joint celebrations aren’t practical or cause tension, it’s okay to set boundaries. Focus on what will make the holiday most enjoyable for your children.
Involving extended family thoughtfully ensures your children maintain strong connections on both sides.
Embrace the New and Cherish the Joy
While divorce inevitably changes holiday routines, it also creates an opportunity to develop new traditions that reflect the evolving family dynamic. It gives you a chance to rethink the way you have been doing things and let go of what didn’t add to the holiday and bring in new experience to enrichen what you had. By focusing on your children’s best interests, staying flexible, and honoring your parenting plan, you can foster meaningful and joyful holiday experiences.
Two Thanksgivings or two Christmases may not look the same as the past, but they can be equally special—perhaps even more so. The holidays after divorce are about love, family, and making memories, and those values remain constant no matter the circumstances.
At McMurdie Law & Mediation, we understand that holiday planning post-divorce can be complex. If you need help revisiting your parenting plan or have questions about co-parenting arrangements, our experienced team is here to support you in ensuring a smooth and joyful holiday season.